1. We value the little things.
It may not be in the form of a flower or a date night, but the little things do count. For my husband, it could be as simple as seeing a clean basket of his folded laundry, as meaningful as an affirming word, as creative as cooking his favorite meal, or as simple as seeing a clean basket of his folded laundry. Many men, at their core, are simple creatures who value the little things more than any woman could ever imagine.
2. We can only concentrate on one task at a time.
Because many women are multi-taskers, they frequently assume that the men in their lives are similarly wired. It’s not uncommon for me to approach my husband while he’s working on the computer or watching TV and bombard him with ideas, thoughts, or commands. One thing we’ve learned after many years of marriage is that this almost always results in frustration. Because we are aware of our differences, I make it a point to ask for his undivided attention when I require it, and he makes it a point to inform me when he is distracted or engaged in another activity.
3. Don’t misinterpret our goodness for weakness.
We’ve all heard of women who are attracted to “bad guys.” Our culture portrays relationships with these ostensibly “tough guys” as exciting and fun.
Many people are perplexed by this mystery, but from my perspective as a Professional Counselor, an attraction to bad guys is ALWAYS rooted in emotional dysfunction. What our culture needs to understand is that a man with a kind heart possesses unfathomable strength and courage. Compassion, kindness, and tenderness are all signs of true masculinity, and it is these types of “boring men” who make the best husbands—the ones who love, give, and sacrifice until their last breath.
4. We are less concerned with appearances than you may believe.
Have you heard the expression, “Women dress for other women”? In many ways, I believe this is correct. Men see women as most beautiful in their most natural form, according to what I’ve heard from countless men and experienced in my own marriage.The frills, sparkles, and scents are unnecessary. And they don’t give a damn about the handbags, shoes, or nails. Even when I look in the mirror at 7 a.m. and see my zombie self staring back at me, my husband still tells me that I am most beautiful right then and there. At the end of the day, a real man is looking for the woman who will make his world more beautiful, not the most beautiful woman on the planet.
5. Putting us down is the worst thing you can do.
A man’s worst nightmare is criticism. All men, deep down, are like little boys who are trying to please the most important woman in their lives. That primary woman for adult married men is their bride. They want to please her, so they raise their heads as she looks at them with approval and delight in her eyes. Putting them down is the one thing that can quickly snuff out their happiness. Instead of noticing all of the good things they are doing, saying, and completing, they should focus on what they aren’t doing.May we, as women, not only remember this, but also be quick to show grace, encouragement, and love to the men God has placed in our lives.
6. We believe that a woman’s most attractive quality is her self-assurance.
Nothing attracts a man more than a woman who can hold her head high and believe in the goodness of who God has created her to be. There is no need for a woman of confidence to flirt or flaunt her possessions because she understands that her worth is based solely on who she is in Christ. Though most men will tell you that being attracted to their significant other is important, the truth is that attraction is always strong. And the thing about confidence is that a woman won’t truly believe a man thinks she’s beautiful until she believes it herself. True confidence is irreplaceable.
7. We want to be your friend and lover at the same time.
A man does not want to be treated like a child, just as a woman does not want to play “mommy” to her man. When this parent-child dynamic begins to play out in a relationship, it can lead to some of the most troubled marriages I’ve seen. Men want to be respected and treated with respect in order to be loved. They want to know that you are there for them, not just to look after them, but to share life with them. Most men are looking for a woman with whom they can laugh, play, and enjoy life. They want to marry their best friend and have a lifelong relationship.Things will always change for the worse once the parent-child dynamic enters the relationship. So give your man credit and treat him as the equal partner you expect him to be–he might just live up to your expectations.