1. Anger and Betrayal
Yes, this may appear obvious, so I won’t dwell on it for too long. Couples who experience objective or subjective feelings of betrayal—whether through affairs, lies, or other hurtful incidents—may feel lonely.
Repairing the damage is entirely possible, but it may necessitate patience, commitment, and significant effort on both sides. Depending on the nature of the issues, couples may benefit from the guidance of a relationship expert.
2. Necessities and Unmet Necessities
Humans have needs, including physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual needs, to name a few. When we are in a relationship, we hope that the person we love the most will meet some of our needs, if not all of them. When this does not happen, we feel rejected, unloved, and unimportant.
Unfortunately, we then look for other ways to meet these needs. It’s in everyone’s nature, and it’s universal. It could be through a third party. Maybe it’s through a distraction like work, friends, or hobbies. Perhaps our spouse is willing and/or able to meet our needs by lowering all expectations.
We are lonely, and our human brain will do everything it can to fill that void. It took me a long time to realize that expressing my needs was not selfish. When people felt safe, they did this. And feeling safe and nurtured was something I wanted for both myself and my partner.
3. Objectives and Expectations
What are goals and expectations and what do they have to do with feeling alone in a relationship?
Goals are like the road map of any relationship, as Joshua explained when emphasizing the importance of setting them. They push us in a specific direction to achieve something we both — and hopefully equally — want.
What happens when partners have opposing goals? What if they have completely different approaches and/or outcomes in mind?
It causes a disconnect—a sense of confusion, frustration, and, in some cases, hopelessness. Needless to say, this is enough to make partners feel lonely simply because what matters to them and the goals they value do not align with their partner’s goals.
Compatibility in a relationship is important in this sense. Feeling alone in your relationship could indicate an existing or new shift in your goals, and you both need to revisit your goals and steer them in a common direction, or accept that the journey is no longer following a common path.
4. Feeling Isolated in Your Relationship
We’ve established that what’s going on internally can cause people to feel lonely. However, in many cases, loneliness is caused by interpersonal factors.
Communication is, without a doubt, the foundation of any relationship. It enables couples to hear each other, make meaning from the information shared, and respond positively or negatively.
When it comes to communication, there is, of course, a right and wrong way. Aggressive, dismissive, uncaring, and/or argumentative communication between two partners leaves one partner feeling unheard, unloved, and thus alone in the relationship.
Problems with Scheduling
Regardless of how much a couple loves each other, without some nurturing and prioritizing time to see each other, partners may begin to disconnect over time. It’s partly due to habit. It’s partly about personalizing day-to-day routine. We can’t, however, have a relationship with a ghost!
Setting aside time to connect is critical. This is especially important for partners who may work away from home and must deal with physical absence and/or physical distance. Scheduling some one-on-one time is one effective way to alleviate loneliness in your relationship.
5. Internal Feelings of Loneliness
You might look at this and wonder how internal factors (personal traits, temperament, or behaviors) can make you feel alone in a relationship—even when you’re with someone you care about.
Please bear with me.
Couples with an anxious attachment style seek constant presence and reassurance, even if it means annoying their partner. They’ve been called “emotionally hungry.” They may express a desire for their partner to “complete” or “rescue” them. Worse, they may believe that they do not matter or are only “half” of themselves if they do not have a fulfilling relationship.
The danger in this attachment style is becoming clingy and needy, as well as being rejected by an exhausted partner, which causes them to feel alone in their relationship.
Loneliness and Mental Health
What does your mental health have to do with feeling lonely in your relationship? Simply put, a great deal.
Our thoughts influence our emotions and, as a result, our behaviors. Consider how a depressed person might perceive their relationship if they are feeling flat, low, and insecure. They are likely to be lonely because depression causes us to feel that way.
Anxiety is the same way. When we are anxious, we may experience fear, jump to the worst-case scenario, or simply internalize all of these emotions, blocking our partner’s influence by the same token.
Taking this a step further, trauma may have an impact on how we manage relationships, trust others, and expect the worst. When people have genuinely experienced adversity in their lives, they may come to expect it in the future. As a result of their somewhat distorted experiences, they may also feel very lonely.
It is critical to work on your mental health. It’s essential for a happy relationship. This is due to the fact that you are significant. Your happiness is important. Your relationship is also important.
Depending on how your mental health is affected, you could try to work on it on your own using motivational podcasts/quotes, self-help, self-care, and other simple ways to help you overcome depression. If your mental health needs more attention, please seek professional help from a therapist and/or your family doctor.
My relationship improved as my mental health improved. It was a wonderful time for both of us individually and as a couple. After that, I didn’t feel lonely.